It’s been a long time since I’ve crossed one of the 365 Blog Topic Ideas off my list. Well, let’s be real… it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything on here but we won’t dwell on that.
#37. Things you wish you knew five years ago.
Something I liked about this prompt was that five years ago I was twenty-two, which allows for the delightfully rhyming title you see at the top of this post. Very few things thrill me more than alliteration, but a well-done subtle rhyme… well, I can hardly contain myself.
In all seriousness, I started this post back in December and it started as a cliché “write a letter to your past self” post that I added to whenever things came to mind. I had filled in enough points, and was planning to post it at the beginning of April so that it would be a month from my birthday, so I would be still within the timeframe of being twenty-two five years ago, but not like… the day before my birthday where it’s clearly a last-minute post.
The last weekend of March started this giant downhill rolling snowball that was my April. I haven’t been so anxious in years, with one thing coming at me after another (and another… and another). One of the significant layers of that giant snowball was my ex emailing me out of the blue. I don’t really like to talk about my relationship and the subsequent ending online, but there were a lot of points on the first draft of this list that were not-so-subtly related to it. I can’t deny that one of the most significant events of my last five years was the breakup between me and my high school boyfriend after being together for over seven years. Being contacted by him three years after it ended, with two years of no contact, put me in a difficult space and my mental health took a really big hit. The whole exchange made me think about not posting this in particular because a lot of the things I wrote were addressed, and I received many apologies I didn’t think I would ever get. With that said, I realize that regardless of what I now know… there are things I wish I could tell my twenty-two year old self. Not necessarily major revelations of the routes I would take with certain people, but just things I wish someone had said to me back then to clarify or validate things I was feeling. I know I had to go through what I did, in order to end up where I am now… but knowing these things would have made that walk a little easier.
I decided to post this after all, just in case anyone needs to hear them now. I hope you find some ease while going through this season of your life.
1. Don’t define your life, your worth, what you should be doing or what you shouldn’t be loving by what others say, think, or do.
2. You should not feel guilty about sharing the things you love. That YouTube channel you just started? It will have two and a half million views in five years time. (Settle down, you still need a real job).
3. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.
4. You’re stubborn. You always say that the one typical “Taurus” trait you don’t exhibit is the bullheadedness, but that is complete BS (pun kind-of intended). You are stubborn af. Yes, you may be willing to back down in an argument or change your mind about things but once you’ve decided to do (or not do) something, you are dead set on it. It’s not a bad thing necessarily, but you need to own it.
5. Greys Anatomy. Season 10. Episode 24. 33:33. Minus “surgeon” and insert whatever descriptor you feel fits best. It applies in 2016 and again in 2019. And, well, every scenario before, after, and in-between.
6. It’s okay that you are not enjoying post-secondary school. It is the means to an end and you will finish successfully.
7. Experiences > stuff.
8. On that note, CALM DOWN WITH THE ONLINE SHOPPING!
9. You’re not afraid of change, you’re afraid of loss and uncertainty.
10. At the end of the day, social media doesn’t matter. Don’t live your life just for the likes.
11. You say you don’t change yourself for anyone and while that may be true, you still put yourself on mute. You put parts of yourself on shelves when those aspects of you embarrass people or aren’t what they want you to do or be. You do not have to hide away any single facet of your being. You have earned the right to be exactly who you are, regardless of who is around you.
12. The fact that you refuse to go on medication is not a sign of your strength. See #4.
13. Back up your hard drives FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
14. Be open to making new friends. Having a small circle is nice at times, but having friends from different places and contexts is such a gift.
15. Okay, we’re going to end with a quote because (spoiler) five years won’t dull your love for beautifully phrased words. And these are really good words. “I hope you never, not even for one second, become a secondary character in your own life”.
Thanks for reading this post!